The Importance of Being on Your Own Side
If you follow my blog, you know I went through an incredibly low point last fall. If you don’t, here’s a quick recap: I had a revise and resubmit with one of the top literary agencies in the world. I thought I’d nailed their requested revisions. I envisioned them opening the door and me walking into their literary world.
It didn’t happen. Actually the opposite happened. Three days after I sent off my revisions, I was told they didn’t like what I did and they soundly rejected my book and me.
It was one of the worst moments of my writing life. Not just because I was so close to my dream and denied, but because it shook me to my foundation.
I lost faith in my writing. I stopped believing in me.
I couldn’t write. It all felt so pointless. So hopeless. Years of work. Of making writing the center of my life and I had nothing to show for it–just a series of almosts that amounted to nothing.
And no matter what fellow writers and friends said to cheer me up, it didn’t penetrate my despair. Because no matter how much they believed in me, I no longer did.
After years of fighting for my writing, I no longer had it in me. Maybe the world was right. Maybe I wasn’t a good writer. Maybe it was time to give up. Go back to auditing. Let this dream die.
But some spark of hope remained inside me. Made me move on to the next project. I bartered with myself. If I finished it and felt no better, I was going to stop writing for a while.
About half way through revisions on that manuscript, I started to care again. I liked it. Really liked it. And wanted to see it do well.
And it hit me–there is a long, long line of people waiting to tear you down or tell you you’re not good enough. But in the end, you truly need one person on your side–you. And then you can quiet the other voices and listen to the feedback and support you are getting from fellow writers and friends.
Everyone needs a team to help them succeed as a writer, but the most important person on your team is you. You have to believe with all your might in yourself. And then anything and everything becomes possible.
Kourtney Heintz writes emotionally evocative speculative fiction that captures the deepest truths of being human. For her characters, love is a journey never a destination.
She resides in Connecticut with her warrior lapdog, Emerson, her supportive parents and three quirky golden retrievers. Years of working on Wall Street provided the perfect backdrop for her imagination to run amuck at night, imagining a world where out-of-control telepathy and buried secrets collide.
Her debut novel, The Six Train to Wisconsin, was a 2012 Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Semifinalist.
When Kai’s telepathy spirals out of control, her husband Oliver brings her to the quiet Wisconsin hometown he abandoned a decade ago, where he must confront the secrets of his past to save their future.
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