A Mother’s Lesson to a Writer

Posted by 4amWriter

My son’s tonsillectomy didn’t go exactly as planned. I was told it was an in and out procedure, we’d be home in a matter of hours, then a week of recovery. Bing. Bang. Boom.

Not quite.

Riley started vomiting once he woke up from his procedure. We stayed overnight because he had yet to drink/eat. The vomiting is bad for two reasons. One, it burns his throat, as you can imagine. Second, the force of the vomiting can split open his stitches and he could start hemorrhaging. That’s considered a medical emergency where they would cauterize the area. Every time he threw up, I braced myself for signs of blood.

The following morning, he continued to vomit. Then they discovered he had pneumonia. His temperature skyrocketed to 104 degrees. We stayed a second night as he still refused to eat or drink anything but ice water or ice chips. The poor little guy just stayed in bed, his face flushed, his eyes pale, quietly clutching his stuffed Mickey Mouse, watching cartoons.

Riley stopped vomiting about 26 hours after his procedure, and thankfully his stitches remained intact. But his fever hovered around 102. He still wasn’t eating, and we were forced to stay a third night.

There was a distinct moment where I was afraid I could lose him, and I panicked. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t stand up straight, my mind went berserk. I had to hide in the hospital bathroom so Riley wouldn’t see or hear me and get worried, too.

Then, a voice. Someone was there with me, my guardian angel or someone of that caliber. She reminded me that the universe doesn’t give us more than we can handle. In a matter of moments, I began to calm down. I knew then that Riley would pull through and he’d be coming home soon. I knew this because without a doubt I could not handle losing either of my children. I’d be done. Bottom line.

Anyway, I didn’t mean to get all melodramatic here but I wanted to talk about this because in the middle of one of those nights, I suddenly realized a truth in my life.

There’s a reason I haven’t given up writing. A reason I haven’t given up my goal of being traditionally published. It’s because the universe hasn’t given me more than I can handle. That’s not to say I relish the rejections or the constant self-doubt, but I know I haven’t reached my limit. That same voice that calmed me during the scare with Riley also helped me realize that although this writing game can feel horrendous, it’s not impossible.

Impossible would be waking up one morning and discovering I no longer have the passion to write. The kind of empty, lost feeling where nether worlds don’t exist anymore.

I have hit writing ruts, some lasting months or years. I have been rejected by literary agents and small presses. I have suffered from severe insecurity, where I don’t believe in myself. But on a better day I picked myself up and tried again. That shows me I haven’t hit my ultimate limit. No matter how awful it feels, it’s still bearable.

Riley came home after 3 1/2 days in the hospital. Even though he wasn’t eating much, he was keeping it down and his fever had decreased to under 100. The doctors felt he would recover better at home.

They were right.

Have you ever reached your ultimate limit with something important? What did you do?

Writer…Uninterrupted, Part 4

Posted by 4amWriter

After I won NaNoWriMo this past November, I was excited to continue working on my new story. I worked on research and scenes for over a month when suddenly, I lost inspiration.

One afternoon as I was playing with my kids in the snow, my muse tapped me on the shoulder.

In a flash, a story filled my head, characters and problems and events ran through my mind like a movie trailer. I was stunned when I realized it was a story I had once wanted to write, one that had sparked while I was sitting at a bar, but that I’d never taken the chance to fully explore.

Two things happened simultaneously. One, I questioned the shift from my NaNo novel to this new book idea. Two, My muse and I were reenergized, inspired, and rushed by words.

What the heck was going on? Had I been struggling with the NaNo novel because it was the wrong book to write? At least, the wrong book to write at this time? Feeling the urge to write the new book idea then and there, I knew I’d found my way out of that writing darkness.

At first, I was irritated that I couldn’t jump on that story immediately. I was with my kids, in the snow, nowhere close to a writing tool. So, I had to sit with that story building away in my head.

But, looking back on that moment of inspiration, I’m thankful I was forced to wait to write. Something about letting the story marinate in my creative juices helped me to formulate a plot – a new experience for me, and one that made a difference.

As a traditional pantser, I have never before figured out the beginning, middle, and end before I started writing. The pull to get words written was always too strong, too intoxicating. I didn’t want to stop and plan when I could immerse myself in another world.

That’s how I wrote my first novel and all of my NaNo novels and my short stories. Pantsing always seemed to work. I mean, I got stories out of it, didn’t I?

The fact I couldn’t write this rediscovered story immediately is probably the only reason I started thinking about changing my writing ways. I mean, I could have started writing after we came in from the snow, or later that night, or heck, even at 4 the next morning. But I didn’t.

And that was the point I started redefining my writing self, even started this Writer…Uninterrupted series because in some ways, I became a new person, a new writer.

Before this life-changing event, I never knew that writers could get stuck because they might be working on the wrong story. This isn’t to say that I’ll never work on my NaNo novel again, but that I know now isn’t the right time for it.

As writers we need to pay attention to our muses, because they will revolt if they’re unhappy. We can’t force them, and while we can bribe them with IPAs or chocolate, the effects don’t last forever. The effort, the desire to write has to be genuine, rooted inside you. When we’re stuck, it’s important to step back and give ourselves space, time. If we trust ourselves, trust our creative centers, then we’re more likely to see where we’ve gone wrong.

How about you? Have you ever realized you were working on the wrong story?

Writer…Uninterrupted, Part 2

Posted by 4amWriter

In the past couple of months I have gone through a change.

No. Not that change, thank you very much.

I introduced my writer self to my human self, and they made friends. That kind of change.

For too long I fought with myself over how to fit writing into my busy life. Even though I had my time to write daily, I felt guilty about taking that time. I should be sleeping or exercising, not writing, not having fun.

Our creative selves (or dreaming selves) are rarely anything like our human selves. To keep them limiting or interfering with each other, we need to bridge them, help them work together.

Image courtesy of coward_lion at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My human self is all about my family, housework, friends, freelance jobs, health. My writer self is all about imagining, creating, writing, reading, social networking.

How can writers be writers among all the other duties, challenges, joys, and sorrows of our human selves? How can we ensure that we don’t lose our dreams to the frenzy of Life?

Acknowledge and accept.

If we’re not willing to call ourselves writers, then it’s easy to lose our writer identities. My son reminded me of that last summer when he told me, ”And You’re a Writer.”

Honor boundaries.

Co-existing means to know when to let life take center stage, and when it’s writing’s turn. Don’t overstuff your life so that you can’t write when you want. And don’t write when you should be doing laundry. I used to flit from the mop to my book to the stove to my blog, and by the end of the day not one chore or freelance assignment had been completed.

Now, I try to arrange my days in blocks of time where I accomplish a particular task. For instance, I don’t write and/or blog in the late afternoon when my kids need help with homework or when dinner needs to be made.

I don’t necessarily accomplish many tasks in an average day, but I do see the few tasks I assign myself through to completion. This way I don’t feel guilty, chores get accomplished (even if it is just a handful of chores), and my Muse isn’t feeling pressured to perform in an inappropriate environment.

Just. Do. It.

After a while it’s not enough to believe. You need to put your dreams into action–writer, artist, musician, gardener, baker – don’t just sit there and dream you can do it. Get out there and make it happen. Talk about your dreams to your friends, give them a purpose that is more than a fanciful thought. Start small, start big, it doesn’t matter. But start now.

What are you doing to keep your creative center flourishing?

Writer…Uninterrupted

Posted by 4amWriter

Recently, I experienced a slump in my writing. The ideas were there, but I couldn’t find the energy or the motivation to write them down. I still might have been a writer without actively writing, but I wasn’t a fulfilled writer. Life interrupted my writing. I was still getting up at my usual godforsaken hour of 4am, yet my mind was clogged from the day before, from tasks I had yet to complete. My overwhelming life seeped into my creative time, debilitating me, like some noxious gas. What do writers do when non-writing responsibilities hijack the muse, or whatever we want to call our creative center?

Get back to the basics.

Make sure you’re writing at the best time of day for you. Sometimes we self-sabotage by picking a time of day where we’re most likely to be interrupted. Also it’s important to know if you need a warm-up session before your muse can be fully operational, and how long of a writing block you need to feel satisfied.

Once you determine the best time of day for your writing, your next step is to reassess other elements of your workspace. Are you working in a space that is centered on writing, or is it cluttered with other factors of life, like bills, grocery lists, school notices? Are you trying to write while you have your emails, Twitter, or your blog open and running? Is all of your equipment in good, working order—sharpened pencils, comfortable chair/desk, good lighting?

Courtesy of Microsoft Clip Art

Stress-free writing starts with a stress-free setting. It might take some maneuvering, but we all have a block of time in our schedules where we can write uninterrupted.

Free your mind.

Freewrite for about 15-20 minutes before you work on your project. The freewriting helps to unclog your mind of stressors. You don’t necessarily have to write about those particular nuisances. The mere act of writing openly, without boundaries, puts the muse in gear. The creative juices start flowing and flushing out the non-writing thoughts.

I was going straight to my emails at 4am while I was waiting for my coffee to brew. That’s dangerous territory because I can’t resist reading new posts from my blogging buddies or checking to see if I’d heard from a literary agent or publisher. Even though blog posts and querying are related to writing, they are not getting my book written.

I tweaked my habits. I open only Scrivener to my WIP, and I play music. I spend the first 20 minutes freewriting to clear the gobbledygook from my head, inspire the muse, and then spend about an hour and a half working on my project.

You need to sort out your own bad habits, of course. And not everyone needs that much time to write to feel satiated. Once you determine your best strategy, stick to it.

Making a habit.

Word on the street is that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. It’s one thing to figure out how you work best. It’s another to commit to it. Making a habit of writing regularly will make you want to write regularly. I believe in the power of writing every day, even if it’s just to scribble a couple of pages from a brainstorm topic. But there will be days when we just can’t write. When that happens, tread carefully. It’s easy to lose your edge if you step away from the writing for too long. Your inner critic (mine’s named Eris) becomes noisier. Excuses pile up. Before you know it, two weeks have gone by and you haven’t touched your WIP.

Figure out a schedule that won’t fall apart at the slightest speed bump. If you know you can’t possibly write every day, then try writing every other day, but do something else with your creative energy on the other days that keep you in tune with your WIP. Draw or sketch a scene in your book. Write a poem about one of your characters. Join blog conversations.

By getting back to the basics, freeing my mind, and re-establishing writing habits, I was able to climb out of my writing rut. I’m back to writing, and what’s more, I’m enjoying it again.

How are you doing with your writing?

My Fight Begins

Posted by 4amWriter

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Our stories spill across our minds, but we can’t get them out.

We get them out, but they’re all wrong.

We fix them, but they don’t move.

We revive them, but they don’t sing.

We coax them along until they start to shimmer and glow and everything soars for a tantalizing moment.

Their beauty is blinding, so we turn away. They fall and fade.

We are the breath and the heart of our stories, and when we stop so do they.

• • • • •

The morning is murky blue-black, and the snow-covered ground shimmers under the moonlight. I am awake at my usual hour, but I’m having trouble with my writing. I take my coffee to the window and study the crooked silhouette of the apple tree, branches shattered from the storm.

In the yard, I see movement. Stealthy, slow. 3 deer are grazing the barren bushes. I think about my book that I’m supposed to be writing, and I am more interested in watching deer tread cautiously at the edge of dawn.

My writing is suffering. The ideas are there, moving with purpose and intent just like the deer in the yard. But the fear is there too, again, just like the deer in the yard. Hovering with each step, wary, nervous, ready to flee at the first hint of danger.

I am going through a writing crisis, which is nothing new. Lack of confidence is something I have had to wrestle with since childhood, but I have learned some ways to combat the problem. Blogging helps. A support system helps.

Writing helps.

Which is ironic, seeing as how writing causes this problem. I’m scared to write, but writing makes me feel better. Go figure.

I have been blaming lack of time and opportunity as reasons for not getting much writing done. That’s not altogether true, seeing as how I’m up at 4 and writing. But I’m trashing my work by the end of the session. I’m writing and trashing, writing and trashing.

My real problem is that I have lost my oomph. My passion. My faith faltered, and I crashed. I could certainly talk about the precipitating event or the various related factors, but the why’s and wherefore’s don’t really matter in the end. What matters is my next step, my plan of action. How to find the courage to emerge from the thickets and seek sustenance.

I’m officially on the hunt for the tools I need to get through this dark time. To write again.